We always want something else. Something different, something new. But what’s wrong with what you have at the moment? The thrill of the chase is what underpins human nature – you only need to look at the popularity of dating apps for evidence. They thrive … Continue reading What you have, rather than what you want…
To stop
To realise it’s all just temporary
To appreciate the now and not look too far ahead
To speak up
To tell them how you feel
To appreciate what you have
To ignore the views of those that don’t matter
To be mindful of how it impacts those that do count
To realise it’s not going to be forever, unless you make it so
To stop waiting for it to happen and instead bring about its change
Remember to smile.
It’s a simple act that warms not only others, but yourself too.
Embrace the feeling of it as it lifts your mood.
Take the time to do the things you enjoy.
Be it reading, writing or listening; make time for it.
The rat race has us spending a disproportionate amount of time doing things we don’t like, leaving minimal time for those we do. Maximise it.
Tell those people you love, that you love them.
You’ll never know how much they need to hear it.
After all, tomorrow is never promised.
Every experience in life leaves behind its own memory, mark or scar. To what extent we allow those to define us and to influence our next experiences are largely our own choice. But what happens when this becomes more difficult to control?
Relationships are most commonly things that leave behind indelible marks. Having had long-term relationships in the past, certain experiences from them stick with me more significantly than anything else in life. Yes they’ve shaped my views on relationships and what a healthy one looks like, and yes they’ve resulted in better situations. But, they also leaving their calling cards of things that went wrong and these things are exactly what needs to be let go of in order to avoid the same mistakes being made again. If only it were that easy…
We look into things, scrutinising interactions to find what we want to find, rather than what is actually there. We want to find the things that we have experienced before, because this is what we are comfortable with. We always look for reasoning in everything and if that can be sought from previous failed relationships, then so-be-it. Looking for what has occurred before – that which was unhealthy within a relationship – can prove toxic for new relationships. Looking for those signs of failing relationships, within a currently positive one, can throw the balance of things all off. It can bring out insecurities about the current situation and reveal old wounds to new people; people who trust you and don’t want to be judged based on the mistakes of those from the past.
It’s the letting go that is tough. The moving on and moving forwards. The platitude that we tell ourselves that what doesn’t kill us will make us stronger, certainly sounds plausible. But these battle scars are still there, whether on show or not.
The conclusion we have to make is to allow those scars to help us win the war, not the battle.
From an early age, it’s been perceived that admitting to weakness only serves to make you weaker – more vulnerable. Playing sports will do that to your mindset. A skill you can’t do? Hide it by increasing your ability to do something else even better. An injury? Find a way to mask it, claim it’s something else inhibiting your play. But what is the end result of this? Well, the weakness remains as a weakness.
But what about in real life? Weaknesses appear in every aspect of life. I like the idea that we learn more from failure than we do from success; but let’s be clear, everyone wants to be successful regardless of how that success is measured. Nobody wants to be seen as unable to complete a task, either at work or around the house. We want to learn yes, but we also have to admit at first to needing to learn. YouTube has made it nice and easy for us all to pretend that we’re more than capable of hanging that shelf…
However, an inability to admit to a weakness cost an opportunity this week. It’s an opportunity that will repeat itself, but it was also an action which could have led to no further similar opportunities being presented. The reason for this was because admitting to a weakness is hard. We all want to be perceived in some specific manner and identifying to others that there may be more going on behind the scenes than we outwardly demonstrate can be tough.
So I took a chance. Putting faith and trust into that significant other, the weakness was admitted to. It was explained, discussed and rationalised. It was explored and linked to the current, rather than solely being focused on the past. See, we want things from people without explaining how that can be achieved. We don’t want to be hurt, but we don’t let others know what it is that they should avoid doing to prevent hurting us. Ironically, by showing weakness, things have become stronger. A developed bond has been created and going forwards to the same issue shouldn’t be repeated.
Like with the first post, a weight was lifted and things felt clearer and brighter. With the facade lifted, the reality looks promising.
What Next? 