Grit your teeth and get on with it. Nobody is coming to save you. It’s the truth of it. Too often in today’s society everybody wants things sorted for them by anybody else. Easy outs for perceived difficult processes. Overnight solutions for their problems. What … Continue reading Resilience
Even as an avid reader of “self-help” literature, there’s nothing that beats lived experiences. You can read all of the advice and guidance and tips that are on the market, but unless you’re putting this into practice – it’s pointless. Being armed with all of … Continue reading Lived Experiences
We’ve all been there before, filling cracks in the walls where plaster has shifted. Fill and sand and paint. Rinse and repeat. Or better yet, throw some wallpaper over them to hide them completely. But how often do we think about why those same cracks … Continue reading Papering over the cracks
Pushing all of your chips into the middle can be one of the more frightening aspects of playing poker. Unless of course you’re confident that you’re onto a winner! So why do we find it so difficult to commit fully in life when we know … Continue reading Going ‘All In’
Nothing in life operates as purely a one way flow of energy. Whatever you’re striving towards, requires at least some response from where you’re aiming for. So why do we expect others to notice us without also taking note of others? Why do we expect … Continue reading One Way Streets
What is it in our psyche that causes us to actively shy away from things? Not in terms of having an introverted personality, but instead seeking to keep ourselves away from the limelight, new experiences or new people.
For most the answer is likely to be simple; we fear failure.
That could be failure in terms of task, acceptance or a whole host of other outcomes that we create in our own minds. Nobody actively wants to fail, but why do we tend to consider failure more frequently than we do success? Why when we envisage talking to somebody new do we think – ‘what happens if they don’t like me?’ – rather than thinking – ‘what happens if we develop a bond?’
The mind is a formidable thing, but we need to harness its ability to provide us with a positive mindset, rather than allowing it to constrain our mindset to jump solely to the worst case scenario.
What happens if you do really like that new experience? What about if you demonstrate a talent for it? Could it become your creative outlet and be something that adds a huge amount of positivity in your life?
So go for it.
Stop focusing on the reasons why not to, and instead shift that thinking to ‘why not?‘
What’s the worst that can happen?
Have you ever been stuck and not sure how to find your way out of it?
It could be a relationship, a job, a commitment, or a whole host of things. How does it happen? And perhaps more importantly, what can you do about it?
How does it happen?
As human beings we’ll always be victims of habit and circumstance. We are where we are because of a series of large, and small, events that are either within our own control or beyond them. We make choices and undergo the consequences; simple. Except what happens when the consequences begin to cease to bring the same enjoyment of outcome?
A date doesn’t provide that some buzz. A new project at work doesn’t inspire the same enthusiasm.
Is this simply experience or something that requires a shake-up?
We’ve all persisted in relationships that should have been ended a while back; the familiarity and comfort stops us from doing something about it. The fear of starting again, learning new things and having to ‘reveal’ yourself again tends to inhibit our desire to change. But it’s necessary.
If something isn’t getting your all, when that Friday night doesn’t provide that same butterflies feeling, when that Monday morning brings a feeling of the mundane, it’s time for a change. You’re doing yourself, and others, a disservice if you willingly remain stuck in a situation that you no longer wish to be in.
So what can you do about it?
The first thing to do is to acknowledge it. Like with any problem, you need to identify that it’s an issue if you’re going to do anything about it.
And then don’t hide from it.
Attack it.
Identify what’s causing you to feel that way about it. Is it a temporary issue or something more established? Is it because of mindset or the situation? Have you got your eye on something – or someone – new and that’s taking a greater shine? Whatever it is, you need to think it out.
And then don’t hide from it.
If it’s relationship-based, it’s more than likely going to be a time-related issue. Sadly things begin to lose their sheen over time, but you need to discover something particularly important before you take any drastic steps.
Have you lost your sheen?
Are you a different version of yourself than when you first started the relationship? Are you a better version of the person you were at the start? If yes, then great. If no, then it’s time for some deeper introspective discovery about why.
If it’s work-based, it’s more than likely an experience-based issue. What was interesting at first, becomes mundane over time. Are you being challenged in your role or have you achieved everything that you can? Is there room for growth or promotion, or is the ceiling undeniably clear to you? Is the industry outgrowing you or are you outgrowing the industry?
Unfortunately with work, the necessity for money is always a factor. Starting again in a new field would be an incredibly straightforward decision if you could lift your current salary into a new role. Sadly that’s unlikely if you’re completely starting over.
We tend to stick where we are because we fear being too old to start again, but you’re likely a long way from retirement. Can you see yourself doing this for the next 20 or 30 years? If not, then do something about it now, otherwise you may end up looking to restart in another five or so years and you’ll be even worse off than now.
Take a look around. Ask questions of others within your own field. Reach out to others in new fields and see what it’s all about it.
We often view our current situation through the darker shades and see newer opportunities with rose-tinted glasses. It may not be all that it seems. But you owe it to yourself to find out.
Ever struggled with Imposter Syndrome?
Here’s 3 simple tips to help you make it work to your advantage!
#1 – Remember that you’re there for a reason
In a world obsessed with holding others back, you’re in the situation because you deserve to be. Whether that’s being brought along by others or through your own perseverance, these other people are simply mortal too
#2 – Exploit the opportunity
Rather than focusing on why you shouldn’t be there, take the opportunity to identify what others have that make you feel like they do belong! Listen more than you speak and soak up the knowledge
#3 – Fake it ’til you make it!
90% of life is making people believe you know what you’re doing. Show outward confidence and people will have no reason to doubt you. Be part of the room, not just in it
At the end of the day we all have those nagging doubts; they’re what make us human. Don’t let opportunities pass you by because of them. If not you, then who?
Firing up Netflix and re-watching a series or film, rather than trying something new.
Picking your next book based on the same author that you have enjoyed in the past, rather than taking a chance on an up-and-coming writer.
Listening to the back catalogue of an artist, rather than giving the new creators a chance to make it into your Spotify playlist.
There’s always something in the comfort of the known. Something that is familiar, unchallenging and warm. But what happens when it becomes limiting? What happens when you don’t ever really try anything that’s new?
It’s a problem for most of us, staying confined to our own previous experiences as we know what we like and don’t wish to ‘waste’ time trying something new that may not necessarily be to our tastes. We load up the same series (Suits, The League or Power) or watch the same film (American Pie, The Equalizer or Taken) because we know we can effortlessly disengage and enjoy what we consume.
Maybe it’s an attention deficiency issue. New things require new efforts and greater concentration. We already know what we need to know when we go back into the old favourites. But this comfort prevents new material achieving that same comforting status.
So try something new. Give it the same opportunities that you gave your current favourites and see what happens. No, not everything will work out positively, but there’s a reason why you have your favourites now; you gave them a chance in the first place.
To stop
To realise it’s all just temporary
To appreciate the now and not look too far ahead
To speak up
To tell them how you feel
To appreciate what you have
To ignore the views of those that don’t matter
To be mindful of how it impacts those that do count
To realise it’s not going to be forever, unless you make it so
To stop waiting for it to happen and instead bring about its change
What Next? 