In a world that constantly pushes for perfection, take a step back and understand that nothing is truly perfect. Social Media Skew Believing everything that you see on social media is your first mistake. Nobody has everything perfect. We’ve become conditioned to see snippets of … Continue reading The Perfection Perception
Identifying that something isn’t going as hoped is one thing. Doing something about it is entirely another. Far too often when we know that something isn’t quite as it should be, be it in life, our jobs or hobbies, we simply continue doing what we … Continue reading What are you doing about it?
In a modern world obsessed with the validation of others, it’s important to maintain your own sense of worth and not jeopardise it by basing your assessment of your value on how others see you.
Social media is one of the greatest developments of the modern era, allowing people across the globe to maintain contact, keep up-to-date with breaking news and allow people the freedom to explore the world from the comforts of their own homes. But it also has a lot to answer for in terms of self-esteem.
The introduction of the ‘like’ function shifted the user’s focus from ‘showing others what I’m doing or feeling’ to ‘how do others feel about what I’m doing or feeling?’ Giving over the power of emotion to others.
What you enjoyed, naively unaware of how others were receiving your posts and photos, now became available for others to consciously or subconsciously provide their opinion on.
The list is endless!
We became slaves to the like button, judging our own experiences and thoughts on the clicks of others. Sometimes removing the post if it didn’t hit the requisite numbers of interactions in a certain period of time.
So why not take back control? Ignore the likes that your posts get. Focus on the feeling you had with the experience that you are posting about, rather than the manner in which it is received.
It made you happy and you wanted to share.
It doesn’t matter how others received it.
What is it in our psyche that causes us to actively shy away from things? Not in terms of having an introverted personality, but instead seeking to keep ourselves away from the limelight, new experiences or new people.
For most the answer is likely to be simple; we fear failure.
That could be failure in terms of task, acceptance or a whole host of other outcomes that we create in our own minds. Nobody actively wants to fail, but why do we tend to consider failure more frequently than we do success? Why when we envisage talking to somebody new do we think – ‘what happens if they don’t like me?’ – rather than thinking – ‘what happens if we develop a bond?’
The mind is a formidable thing, but we need to harness its ability to provide us with a positive mindset, rather than allowing it to constrain our mindset to jump solely to the worst case scenario.
What happens if you do really like that new experience? What about if you demonstrate a talent for it? Could it become your creative outlet and be something that adds a huge amount of positivity in your life?
So go for it.
Stop focusing on the reasons why not to, and instead shift that thinking to ‘why not?‘
What’s the worst that can happen?
Have you ever been stuck and not sure how to find your way out of it?
It could be a relationship, a job, a commitment, or a whole host of things. How does it happen? And perhaps more importantly, what can you do about it?
How does it happen?
As human beings we’ll always be victims of habit and circumstance. We are where we are because of a series of large, and small, events that are either within our own control or beyond them. We make choices and undergo the consequences; simple. Except what happens when the consequences begin to cease to bring the same enjoyment of outcome?
A date doesn’t provide that some buzz. A new project at work doesn’t inspire the same enthusiasm.
Is this simply experience or something that requires a shake-up?
We’ve all persisted in relationships that should have been ended a while back; the familiarity and comfort stops us from doing something about it. The fear of starting again, learning new things and having to ‘reveal’ yourself again tends to inhibit our desire to change. But it’s necessary.
If something isn’t getting your all, when that Friday night doesn’t provide that same butterflies feeling, when that Monday morning brings a feeling of the mundane, it’s time for a change. You’re doing yourself, and others, a disservice if you willingly remain stuck in a situation that you no longer wish to be in.
So what can you do about it?
The first thing to do is to acknowledge it. Like with any problem, you need to identify that it’s an issue if you’re going to do anything about it.
And then don’t hide from it.
Attack it.
Identify what’s causing you to feel that way about it. Is it a temporary issue or something more established? Is it because of mindset or the situation? Have you got your eye on something – or someone – new and that’s taking a greater shine? Whatever it is, you need to think it out.
And then don’t hide from it.
If it’s relationship-based, it’s more than likely going to be a time-related issue. Sadly things begin to lose their sheen over time, but you need to discover something particularly important before you take any drastic steps.
Have you lost your sheen?
Are you a different version of yourself than when you first started the relationship? Are you a better version of the person you were at the start? If yes, then great. If no, then it’s time for some deeper introspective discovery about why.
If it’s work-based, it’s more than likely an experience-based issue. What was interesting at first, becomes mundane over time. Are you being challenged in your role or have you achieved everything that you can? Is there room for growth or promotion, or is the ceiling undeniably clear to you? Is the industry outgrowing you or are you outgrowing the industry?
Unfortunately with work, the necessity for money is always a factor. Starting again in a new field would be an incredibly straightforward decision if you could lift your current salary into a new role. Sadly that’s unlikely if you’re completely starting over.
We tend to stick where we are because we fear being too old to start again, but you’re likely a long way from retirement. Can you see yourself doing this for the next 20 or 30 years? If not, then do something about it now, otherwise you may end up looking to restart in another five or so years and you’ll be even worse off than now.
Take a look around. Ask questions of others within your own field. Reach out to others in new fields and see what it’s all about it.
We often view our current situation through the darker shades and see newer opportunities with rose-tinted glasses. It may not be all that it seems. But you owe it to yourself to find out.
…and that’s absolutely fine!
Too often society – social media – bombards us with the idea that people are able to do everything. And those that can’t are failing.
But real life doesn’t look like that.
Spreading yourself too thinly will mean the likelihood that you won’t be able to do anything particularly well and that’s of no benefit.
That’s not to discourage trying everything, but with the knowledge that NOBODY can do everything. At least not without the assistance of others.
So stop comparing yourself to others and instead look to create the best version of you. Appreciate what you have, what you can do and the time you have now. You’ll yearn for it all in the future.
The things that you always have to bring to the table to keep striding forwards…
#1 Showing Up
In a world where everything has become more accessible remotely, show up whenever you can. Make the effort, build the personal connections and watch networks develop that are simply not possible from a Zoom call. Be present, be proactive, be persistent.
#2 Embrace The Process
If it was easy, everybody would do it. Often tasks are tough, but resilience is invaluable. These are the times to sharpen the axe with which future trees will be cut. Don’t shy away from the hard work, instead attack it with purpose.
#3 Seek Opportunities For Self-Growth
Sticking to your lane is the quickest way create future regret. Diversifying your talents is the simplest way to stay ahead. If others are embracing a new format, take its best aspects. If there’s a skill to add to your bag, start now.
#4 Drag Others Up With You
Being selfish has its benefits, but empowering those around you is the easiest way to grow. Being the fountain of knowledge is great, but what if you could also have others with this be part of your team? Delegation becomes easier the ship runs itself!
#5 Value The Outcomes
Life doesn’t give out participation medals. If you fail at something don’t ignore it, instead identify why. What caused it? How can similar issues be identified and prevented next time? And if it worked, great. Now do it again – better.
Pip would have told us to reign it in a little, so why do we still hold such great expectations of our hopes in others?
We ask others to uphold our own values and then are surprised when they choose not to in the pursuit of self preservation. Is it that our own standards are too high or is that society compels people to behave in the primary area of self interest?
Constantly we expect others to show the same integrity as we do, without ever really seeing anything akin to it. But we cannot let our own standards drop. We must continue to operate at the highest levels and attempt to pull others along with us.
Stay true to who you are!
Firing up Netflix and re-watching a series or film, rather than trying something new.
Picking your next book based on the same author that you have enjoyed in the past, rather than taking a chance on an up-and-coming writer.
Listening to the back catalogue of an artist, rather than giving the new creators a chance to make it into your Spotify playlist.
There’s always something in the comfort of the known. Something that is familiar, unchallenging and warm. But what happens when it becomes limiting? What happens when you don’t ever really try anything that’s new?
It’s a problem for most of us, staying confined to our own previous experiences as we know what we like and don’t wish to ‘waste’ time trying something new that may not necessarily be to our tastes. We load up the same series (Suits, The League or Power) or watch the same film (American Pie, The Equalizer or Taken) because we know we can effortlessly disengage and enjoy what we consume.
Maybe it’s an attention deficiency issue. New things require new efforts and greater concentration. We already know what we need to know when we go back into the old favourites. But this comfort prevents new material achieving that same comforting status.
So try something new. Give it the same opportunities that you gave your current favourites and see what happens. No, not everything will work out positively, but there’s a reason why you have your favourites now; you gave them a chance in the first place.
To stop
To realise it’s all just temporary
To appreciate the now and not look too far ahead
To speak up
To tell them how you feel
To appreciate what you have
To ignore the views of those that don’t matter
To be mindful of how it impacts those that do count
To realise it’s not going to be forever, unless you make it so
To stop waiting for it to happen and instead bring about its change
What Next? 