“Comparison in the thief of joy.” Nobody can do everything. But everybody can do something! Life today drives us to look at perfection, showing us an abundance of examples of others who are achieving our goals at an elite level. But that isn’t the norm … Continue reading Appreciation
What is it in our psyche that causes us to actively shy away from things? Not in terms of having an introverted personality, but instead seeking to keep ourselves away from the limelight, new experiences or new people.
For most the answer is likely to be simple; we fear failure.
That could be failure in terms of task, acceptance or a whole host of other outcomes that we create in our own minds. Nobody actively wants to fail, but why do we tend to consider failure more frequently than we do success? Why when we envisage talking to somebody new do we think – ‘what happens if they don’t like me?’ – rather than thinking – ‘what happens if we develop a bond?’
The mind is a formidable thing, but we need to harness its ability to provide us with a positive mindset, rather than allowing it to constrain our mindset to jump solely to the worst case scenario.
What happens if you do really like that new experience? What about if you demonstrate a talent for it? Could it become your creative outlet and be something that adds a huge amount of positivity in your life?
So go for it.
Stop focusing on the reasons why not to, and instead shift that thinking to ‘why not?‘
What’s the worst that can happen?
Have you ever been stuck and not sure how to find your way out of it?
It could be a relationship, a job, a commitment, or a whole host of things. How does it happen? And perhaps more importantly, what can you do about it?
How does it happen?
As human beings we’ll always be victims of habit and circumstance. We are where we are because of a series of large, and small, events that are either within our own control or beyond them. We make choices and undergo the consequences; simple. Except what happens when the consequences begin to cease to bring the same enjoyment of outcome?
A date doesn’t provide that some buzz. A new project at work doesn’t inspire the same enthusiasm.
Is this simply experience or something that requires a shake-up?
We’ve all persisted in relationships that should have been ended a while back; the familiarity and comfort stops us from doing something about it. The fear of starting again, learning new things and having to ‘reveal’ yourself again tends to inhibit our desire to change. But it’s necessary.
If something isn’t getting your all, when that Friday night doesn’t provide that same butterflies feeling, when that Monday morning brings a feeling of the mundane, it’s time for a change. You’re doing yourself, and others, a disservice if you willingly remain stuck in a situation that you no longer wish to be in.
So what can you do about it?
The first thing to do is to acknowledge it. Like with any problem, you need to identify that it’s an issue if you’re going to do anything about it.
And then don’t hide from it.
Attack it.
Identify what’s causing you to feel that way about it. Is it a temporary issue or something more established? Is it because of mindset or the situation? Have you got your eye on something – or someone – new and that’s taking a greater shine? Whatever it is, you need to think it out.
And then don’t hide from it.
If it’s relationship-based, it’s more than likely going to be a time-related issue. Sadly things begin to lose their sheen over time, but you need to discover something particularly important before you take any drastic steps.
Have you lost your sheen?
Are you a different version of yourself than when you first started the relationship? Are you a better version of the person you were at the start? If yes, then great. If no, then it’s time for some deeper introspective discovery about why.
If it’s work-based, it’s more than likely an experience-based issue. What was interesting at first, becomes mundane over time. Are you being challenged in your role or have you achieved everything that you can? Is there room for growth or promotion, or is the ceiling undeniably clear to you? Is the industry outgrowing you or are you outgrowing the industry?
Unfortunately with work, the necessity for money is always a factor. Starting again in a new field would be an incredibly straightforward decision if you could lift your current salary into a new role. Sadly that’s unlikely if you’re completely starting over.
We tend to stick where we are because we fear being too old to start again, but you’re likely a long way from retirement. Can you see yourself doing this for the next 20 or 30 years? If not, then do something about it now, otherwise you may end up looking to restart in another five or so years and you’ll be even worse off than now.
Take a look around. Ask questions of others within your own field. Reach out to others in new fields and see what it’s all about it.
We often view our current situation through the darker shades and see newer opportunities with rose-tinted glasses. It may not be all that it seems. But you owe it to yourself to find out.
Ever struggled with Imposter Syndrome?
Here’s 3 simple tips to help you make it work to your advantage!
#1 – Remember that you’re there for a reason
In a world obsessed with holding others back, you’re in the situation because you deserve to be. Whether that’s being brought along by others or through your own perseverance, these other people are simply mortal too
#2 – Exploit the opportunity
Rather than focusing on why you shouldn’t be there, take the opportunity to identify what others have that make you feel like they do belong! Listen more than you speak and soak up the knowledge
#3 – Fake it ’til you make it!
90% of life is making people believe you know what you’re doing. Show outward confidence and people will have no reason to doubt you. Be part of the room, not just in it
At the end of the day we all have those nagging doubts; they’re what make us human. Don’t let opportunities pass you by because of them. If not you, then who?
The things that you always have to bring to the table to keep striding forwards…
#1 Showing Up
In a world where everything has become more accessible remotely, show up whenever you can. Make the effort, build the personal connections and watch networks develop that are simply not possible from a Zoom call. Be present, be proactive, be persistent.
#2 Embrace The Process
If it was easy, everybody would do it. Often tasks are tough, but resilience is invaluable. These are the times to sharpen the axe with which future trees will be cut. Don’t shy away from the hard work, instead attack it with purpose.
#3 Seek Opportunities For Self-Growth
Sticking to your lane is the quickest way create future regret. Diversifying your talents is the simplest way to stay ahead. If others are embracing a new format, take its best aspects. If there’s a skill to add to your bag, start now.
#4 Drag Others Up With You
Being selfish has its benefits, but empowering those around you is the easiest way to grow. Being the fountain of knowledge is great, but what if you could also have others with this be part of your team? Delegation becomes easier the ship runs itself!
#5 Value The Outcomes
Life doesn’t give out participation medals. If you fail at something don’t ignore it, instead identify why. What caused it? How can similar issues be identified and prevented next time? And if it worked, great. Now do it again – better.
Pip would have told us to reign it in a little, so why do we still hold such great expectations of our hopes in others?
We ask others to uphold our own values and then are surprised when they choose not to in the pursuit of self preservation. Is it that our own standards are too high or is that society compels people to behave in the primary area of self interest?
Constantly we expect others to show the same integrity as we do, without ever really seeing anything akin to it. But we cannot let our own standards drop. We must continue to operate at the highest levels and attempt to pull others along with us.
Stay true to who you are!
The more you think about something
The harder it becomes
Make a start sooner rather than later
Challenge yourself.
Whether it be that extra task, mile or rep.
We become comfortable from going through being uncomfortable.
Say it.
Don’t be afraid of what might happen. Find out what will happen.
It could be the answer you’ve been looking for.
Take a moment to help others.
Not only is it good for them, it’s good for yourself.
Karma is a powerful entity. One day you too will need help.
What Next? 