We’ve all been there: a social environment in which you’re the ‘outsider’. One where everyone else has at least two branches of connections to others, but you’re left with just the one. The dilemma being as to whether you attempt to further strengthen that branch of the tree or whether you try to get the trunk to sprout off new branches.

The dilemma is furthered by the idea of time. There is only a finite amount of it in this life and attempting to spread it too thinly can mean said time is wasted. Sticking to what you know will mean time isn’t wasted, but could it also means that opportunities for future time to be more positive are lost?

Experience has shown that such social gatherings, stag dos for example, provide opportunities for friendship furthering or friendship frugality. The main link is to the stag, so surely there must be a reason why these other people are also liked by the main focus of the event – why not try to find out what it is that makes them in his favour too? After all, you’re a good guy aren’t you?

Part of the issue with this is that we are reliant on others to be willing to spread their time, attention and engagement to include those who are on the periphery of the group. After all, their friendship tree within the group is already strong with a variety of branches. What possible benefit could it bring them?

Some of the strongest friendship bonds I have, have come from such experiences. These people were willing to invest time into identifying what it is that the main focus of the gathering liked in myself. By both them and I breaking away from the idea of sticking to what we know, I’d like to think all of our lives have been improved. But I would also completely understand if they hadn’t wanted to take time away from being with their friends to investigate whether a new friendship could potentially be created.

We are creatures of habit, but we are also creatures who have the ability to feel empathy for those who are in awkward situations. So try that conversation with the outsider. It may benefit you much more than you ever thought it could.