Knowing more, to feel less…

· Leave a comment ·

The plague of likes, comments and followers has reached such an epidemic crisis point that Instagram is said to be considering the opportunity to see your algorithm-controlled social feed with that data hidden. But the beast has grown too large to curtail. We now know more, but feel less.

The social media generation get their value and worth from the numbers underneath their posts and pictures, rather than from what’s contained in the filter-filled images. Turning off the ability to have the apparent appreciation for these posts published to all, will only lead to greater feelings of a lack of worth. After all it’s better that we know the tree was seen falling and ignored, than not know if the tree was seen falling at all.

As a society we’re now programmed for a need to know more. Not more relevant information, but instead more irrelevant information. We are inundated with pictures of dinners, holidays and celebrations, without any of it being directly relevant to our lives. We seek this information to validate our own existence. Are others’ lives better or worse than ours? How can we promote our own lives to appear better than what we have already seen from our peers on these sites?

We have people eating out in restaurants with loved ones and families, documenting the occasion for the benefit of those not even there – potentially those who we only really pseudo-know. The whole process of going to dinner is to give an opportunity for a break from the norm; a break from the inundation of technology. But instead of enjoying this break, we seek to continue the technological enslavery and utilise this opportunity which was designed to allow for more face-to-face interaction – away from phones, tablets and television – to further the social media persona that we feel a need to develop.

We have a generation of teenagers who are more interested in engaging in digitalised interaction when out socialising in the real world; oblivious to the message they are sending out to those around them. Rather than devoting their attention and basic manners to those who have chosen to spend time with them, they are far more concerned with messaging those who have chosen to do otherwise. The same teenagers are avoiding interaction with their family elders when in their presence. Their focus and attention is on everything but those who won’t continue to live for as long as them, but they’ll be sure to continue to commemorate them online when they do pass. Funerals and deaths are after all, social media fodder.

The internet has given the world the opportunity to know so much more about the world. But it has also given us the opportunity to know more, but feel less worthy because of this developed knowledge. Instagram’s potential change could be a positive step, but the beast of validation via social media has already far outgrown any cage that it could be placed back into.

What even is it to be ‘mindful’?

· Leave a comment ·

A little while back I was offered the chance to try a subscription to the app Headspace on the recommendation of a friend. The pretence was for it to assist with a busy working life and give the opportunity to clear space within the mind.

With some reluctance, I tried it…and really liked it – well, on the occasions I didn’t fall asleep whilst meditating!

The premise is simple. Control the breathing and think about things, without actively forcing yourself to think about them; as odd as that may sound. I completed the courses linked to appreciation, self-confidence (recent dreams seem to indicate a lack of this) and understanding about emotions, all of which were interesting and engaging. From there I’ve looked to further the philosophical side of thinking about the bigger picture and turned to podcasts.

One that I’ve become a big fan of is the Joe Rogan Experience. Rogan is someone I have been aware of from his involvement with UFC, but I’ve got to say that I’ve found his podcasts fascinating. Often he’ll explore, with the help of a wide range of guests, the idea of being mindful. One of the big messages I’ve taken away recently from his session with Russell Brand, is that ‘this is only a temporary thing’. This being life. And he talks about the need to ‘eek out as much goodness as possible from it whilst we’re able to’.

In a society now where we’ve become obsessed with ‘what next?’ we’re forever forgetting the need to appreciate what is happening now. Right now. None of us knows how much time we have left, or how much time we have left in the current state. We don’t know what the day could bring, or even what that phone call could bring. Rather than worrying about how things could turn out in the future, we need to focus on how things could turn out in the now.

Embrace the day and eek out all the goodness that you can from it.

Why Can’t It Be Finished?

· Leave a comment ·

Ever since I can remember, having things come to an end was something to be avoided. You’d never take the last of the milk, the cereal or the bread growing up. It was always to be seen as a selfless act to allow others to have that final piece or portion. But now other things bring trouble with the idea of nearing completion.

A common concern at the moment is with books or television shows. That final chapter, series or episode comes with a foreboding feel of absolute completion. That the time, effort and emotional attachment that came with the build-up to the completion, was seeming to be leading to a void being created.

Take Ricky Gervais’ new Netflix series After Life a genius mix of heartbreaking drama and genuine laugh out loud moments. Having ploughed through the first five episodes of the series yesterday morning, there is just one remaining. But it’s not been watched yet. Watching it would create a void, with the necessity of it being filled with the start of a new series to draw the mind into. There is a desire to find out how things fare for the characters, but the finality of not having further episodes to gain insight about them from provides a barrier. Being well aware that they are only characters in a fictional show makes this conundrum seem even stranger.

The same concerns come with books. Having invested time into 300 page novels, that final 20 page chapter indicates that the previous 280 have built to this climactic resolution. But doesn’t it also feel that those other 280 pages will be wasted when the final page is completed? Of course, everything builds to the end of the book and of course you are aware that the book has to finish at some point. But the finality of it provides the issue.

Finding something you enjoy, like or love, means that it’s something you want to continue with, but the ending of specific things that you enjoy, like or love may not necessarily be within your control. Yes you can read or watch other things, but finding the thing that you want to be engaging with provides the challenge. If we knew we had more to enjoy following the completion of another book or series then that void could be avoided. But what if those tailored recommendations are not accurate? What if you find that you take on board other people’s views relating to what to read or watch next, but then find that that time is wasted?

Time is a precious commodity after all, so is it sometimes better to avoiding the ending of things, by not starting them at all?

What when motivation is lacking?

· Leave a comment ·

I first set up this blog as a cathartic exercise. A chance to unburden some of the thoughts and feelings that come to mind, as and when they do. It’s worked. The posts put up so far have helped with the meditative process of exploring the thoughts that come to mind. Perhaps that’s why I’ve not felt the need to post in a while.

Until now.

For as long as I can remember I’ve always been involved in sport, largely through being part of a team. The camaraderie and friendships that have been built over the years cannot be understated. Teammates have become friends and I would not have it any other way. But now, the older I get, the less important the element of sporting competition has become. Training and game nights have no longer become a climactic focal point of the week; instead almost becoming a nuisance.

The need to go toe-to-toe on the sporting field has weakened and I would like to think that this is due to the necessity of winning becoming less important as life and its priorities change. But there is a nagging doubt that it’s because the task of winning has simply become more difficult with age. I’ve seen teammates succumb to retirement and consider that it’s potentially on the horizon for myself. It’s not something I’ve thought of until the clock ticked on the wrong side of 30 and I’ve long been of the mantra of ‘you’re a long time retired’ so have always sought to look to extend any opportunity of playing sport. But right now there is half a season left and no desire to commit to it in the manner I would normally expect. Though I am not one to quit halfway through a job, so the games will be competed, but whether the mindset is right for them remains to be seen.

The motivation to travel on a weeknight and face off against old foes is waning. A more sedentary life is looking more appealing, but that’s a slippery slope to begin down. Easing out of a sporting lifestyle will impact on the normal lifestyle led. I’ll no longer be able to kid myself that it’s fine to have treats in the diet because I know there’s at least two hours of high intensity sport being played each week. Add into that the convenience the activity provides to catch-up with friends, and it’s a perilous double of an increased waistline and withdrawn friendship opportunities that comes to the fore. Neither of which are conducive to the reality I wish for.

It’s time to remember – You’re a long time retired…

Why not be positive?

· Leave a comment ·

Having sat, awkwardly, around a table last New Year’s Eve being questioned about what the new year will bring and what fraught resolution I would come up, I vowed this year to be prepared.

This year the decision was made to attempt to introduce a more positive state of mind going forwards.

Sure it’s a platitude that is trotted out regularly, but it’s also one that has provided a great deal of thought for me recently to consider what the benefits could be. See, having always been a pessimist, and not ashamed to admit it, it had become a label that had become synonymous with my name. A big decision was mooted at work and I indicated that I was receptive to whatever choice would be made by the collective. “Of course, nothing bothers you does it?” It was a statement that resonated with me. Often it’s tough to allow others to gauge a reaction from me, either positive or negative, because of the facade that I mentioned in previous posts. An unwillingness to show emotion, means an inability to allow others to see they’re harming you. That too needs some working.

Though it’s also something that has cost me in encounters. People perceive a lack of happiness because of an inability to express emotions and this, to an extent, comes from the pessimist thought that ‘at some point, things will go wrong.’ So 2019 will be the year of change with a mindset.

It begins when we wake up in the morning, clinging onto the covers to bemoan the start of a new day; but that day is filled with purpose. We have responsibilities, tasks, interactions to make across that day and all of these come from ideas of trust that others place within us. These are things we should feel positively about, rather than complaining about the alarm clock raising us from our slumber.

We look in the mirror, taking ample time to attempt to find the things that are wrong with us. We don’t look for the positives, we’re trying to identify the negative changes in our appearances – forgetting that we are blessed with the power of sight to be able to see these images. We may become more wrinkled, but that too should be appreciated for the experiences that we have undergone. Not all changes as we age should be seen as the negative process of aging.

Having coached youth sport, a key idea I have attempted to impart upon those working with me is that ‘you learn more from failure, than you do from success’, but at a certain point we lose this idea in life. We no longer seek to identify learning opportunities in life and at work, instead identifying them as weaknesses and things that could lead to further problems. Working through these concerns give us greater experience going forwards, meaning that we become a knowledgeable member of the team for others to come to for assistance when they too first encounter a similar problem.

So that awkward resolution point, a forced opportunity to attempt to make a change, has led to positivity. Rather than presuming or identifying the worst in all that I do, instead opportunities are taken to appreciate the positives. After all, life is what you make it and it can become as positive or negative as your mindset allows it to be.

Why Not Admit Weakness?

· Leave a comment ·

From an early age, it’s been perceived that admitting to weakness only serves to make you weaker – more vulnerable. Playing sports will do that to your mindset. A skill you can’t do? Hide it by increasing your ability to do something else even better. An injury? Find a way to mask it, claim it’s something else inhibiting your play. But what is the end result of this? Well, the weakness remains as a weakness.

But what about in real life? Weaknesses appear in every aspect of life. I like the idea that we learn more from failure than we do from success; but let’s be clear, everyone wants to be successful regardless of how that success is measured. Nobody wants to be seen as unable to complete a task, either at work or around the house. We want to learn yes, but we also have to admit at first to needing to learn. YouTube has made it nice and easy for us all to pretend that we’re more than capable of hanging that shelf…

However, an inability to admit to a weakness cost an opportunity this week. It’s an opportunity that will repeat itself, but it was also an action which could have led to no further similar opportunities being presented. The reason for this was because admitting to a weakness is hard. We all want to be perceived in some specific manner and identifying to others that there may be more going on behind the scenes than we outwardly demonstrate can be tough.

So I took a chance. Putting faith and trust into that significant other, the weakness was admitted to. It was explained, discussed and rationalised. It was explored and linked to the current, rather than solely being focused on the past. See, we want things from people without explaining how that can be achieved. We don’t want to be hurt, but we don’t let others know what it is that they should avoid doing to prevent hurting us. Ironically, by showing weakness, things have become stronger. A developed bond has been created and going forwards to the same issue shouldn’t be repeated.

Like with the first post, a weight was lifted and things felt clearer and brighter. With the facade lifted, the reality looks promising.

And Then It Happened…

· Leave a comment ·

The first blog post went up. A sense of weight came off the shoulders and a freedom ensued. And then it happened. The emails came through of some likes and a couple of followers and the tangible benefits began. The irony being that, at least to an extent, the first post was about finding contentment through things other than the measurable.

Let’s not be naive, the old adage of the tree falling in the forest and not making a sound is prominent here. Had I not wanted people to view the post, have the possibility to like it and then theoretically want to show that more may be desired by following, I’d have left the post on hard drive of the computer, rather than choosing to share it. Yes it feels good to have people engage with the content, but like more and more are finding on social sites, it’s not the views that matter, it’s that some may read the piece and find that it strikes a chord with them. Could it be that something in there has altered a mindset or influenced a way of thinking? Hopefully.

So what does it actually mean? Well, there is a chance that should similar figures not be achieved for this post then there could be a feeling of disappointment. But, what if that solitary post gave all that it needed to to somebody and they no longer search for that piece that could provide them with empathy or answers. Before you become concerned with a god complex, we’ve all had that light-bulb moment where something that somebody says, does or shares really hits home. There are two that stick with me the most:

“Only worry about the things you can control”

I can’t help but always go back to this mantra. We worry about everything, what people think of us, what could potentially go wrong with different, and what we can do should situations go horribly wrong. Often we’ll look to find problems where they don’t exist; allowing the positives to be overlooked. In a good relationship, we may look for the things that could cause it to go wrong. We’re often pressed for plans, milestones, checkpoints – as though anything in life, let alone relationships work by plans – rather than allowing us to enjoy the now.

“How you do one thing, is how you do every thing”

This is a much more recent idea that was shared with me and hit home. It came from fitness influence Nick Bare and of course has its ideas within the gym – skipping workouts, reps or sets will obviously have an impact on the transformations that we undergo – but outside of the gym it too rings true. How we go about and treat one thing, is our attitude to every thing. Allow ourselves to treated poorly by one collective of people? Well, then it’s no surprise when others believe they can behave in the same manner. Give a half-hearted attitude to the things in life that we don’t really want to do? Well then it won’t be too surprising if the things we love and care about, perhaps don’t quite get the same attention that they deserve.

So get about it. Do things in the right manner. Don’t worry about things beyond your control. And perhaps more importantly; enjoy the moment.

Why?

· Leave a comment ·

Well, why not? Having not written for an extended period of time, perhaps it’s time to pay homage to the cathartic act of expressing emotion in literary form.

What Next?

What is it that we’re aiming for? What is it that will make us happy, or at least contented? The answers are always fluid ones, interchangeable based on a multitude of factors. What makes us happy today, may not give the same thrill tomorrow. Society and its incumbents are all captured by the idea of ‘what next?’ Forgetting the opportunity to embrace the now and be accepting of the journey to the current goal, instead choosing to cast the current aside in search of the next checkpoint goal to provide the happiness we so readily crave.

But what if we’re never happy? What if we consistently strive for things that are beyond our reach? Validation? Acceptance? Justification for what we do? And perhaps more importantly, how do we tangibly measure these things to allow us to fulfill the ideas we set out in terms of being able to record when these ideas are achieved?

Perhaps the simplest measure of achievement and satisfaction is in the most easily measurable form of money. It’s certainly undeniable that the majority of society is fascinated with the idea of acquiring wealth in order to demonstrate to others what they have achieved through displays of finances such as cars, clothing and houses. Talk to children in school and they’ll tell you that when they leave they want to have a good job and earn lots of money. There’s no talk of a job that they enjoy, nor a sum of money that allows them to be happy. The slaves to the dollar are encapsulated even before they’ve begun. What hope do we have? But what is the benefit of money when the most valuable commodity we have is time? Finding that balance between earning the necessary to support the lifestyle we wish to lead, whilst counterpoising that with leaving enough time outside of work to allow for the enjoyment of that money – that’s the key. Not being priced out of experiences or opportunities, whilst also not being left without the time to undertake those same opportunities would be the goal.

In a world now driven by likes, followers, shares, retweets and comments, society has become ever-increasingly desperate for validation. That photo on Instagram with the perfect filter and hashtag, is deemed a failure if too few people like it. Look around when you go out to dinner and see the number of diners gorging on their phones rather than their meals. The very premise of going to dinner to get out of the house and interact face-to-face with others has been lost. People snap their plates and share their evening with everyone; everyone except that person sat on the other side of the table. It’s the ‘What Next?’ issue all over again. What can I have after this? What tangible evidence can I have that I had a good evening? Though we’re closer to the reality of the continual rating system that Black Mirror depicts, your dining partner won’t give some the feeling of satisfaction that will be achieved through the number of likes and comments they get on their shared pictures. The idea of social interaction, whilst creating a anti-social environment of being glued to the phone, will cause the basic enjoyment of popping to the pub or restaurant to be lost.

So, with all that in mind; What Next? Who knows. It has certainly been cathartic. Vodafone used to say ‘It’s good to talk’ – so do so. Only with sounds and words, rather than characters and emojis.